biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize