There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
