My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
