Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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