My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
