is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
