Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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