Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
