i just wanna soil my oats bro
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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