wakey wakey hands off snakey
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
