You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
