im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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