You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
