Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
