i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
