I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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