I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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