He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
