Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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