ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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