I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
