He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
