thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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