I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize