he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
