I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i drank out of a bidet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
