Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
