I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
