I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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