Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
