I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize