Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
