Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
