why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
