my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
