you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
