There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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