its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
