Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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