They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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