You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
