just come out here and I will go home with you...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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