my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
