so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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