we have officially lost it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just invented taco cereal.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
