shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize