Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
