when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize