dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
