On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
