new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
too bad you live with your parents still
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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