She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize