Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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