You're my little dorito
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
