Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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