I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize