Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
