I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
