I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
