and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
