So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
