3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
