you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
