girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
