I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
