she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
