So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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