I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
