I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
