I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
