If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
