it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize