I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
