my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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