Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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