I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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