Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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